I gotta scream until there’s nothing left

Eu grito, eu choro, eu me torturo até demais, e é provavelmente a coisa mais insalubre que eu faço, mas é a forma que eu encontrei de superar o stress. Obviamente, isso tudo me deixa mais estressada, mas pelo menos é um stress PÓS dever cumprido, o que não quer dizer muita coisa, mas pelo menos as pessoas páram de me incomodar.

Ou faz elas acharem que já que eu fiz tudo, eu tenho tempo livre e me jogam mais bombas pra resolver.

E anta do jeito que eu sou, eu não digo não.

Aí eu grito e choro e me torturo até demais e tudo começa novamente porque eu definitivamente sou masoquista.

Extreme Makeover: Bedroom Edition

Praticar o desapego emagrece, faz bem pra pele e libera horrores de espaço nos armários…

I’m movin’ on

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I have been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days aren’t gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

(no MSN)

Eu:
preciso fugir

Eu:
não é nem “quero”, é “preciso”

Ele:
me leva junto quando for

Eu:
eu vou precisar de ti pra fugir, pq fugir a pé é o ó

Believe in the resolute urgency of now

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe that life can change
That you’re not stuck in vain
We’re not the same, we’re different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

And you know you’re never sure
But you’re sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there’s not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

We’ll crucify the insincere tonight
We’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight
We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

Did I ask too much?

Então que ontem, no ápice de uma crise existencial, eu abri mão de ver Transformers 2 (MECHAS!) pra dar um jeito na minha vida, o universo e tudo mais.

Cheguei a perguntar para o Twitterverso se It’s now or never? Should I stay or should I go? e se To be or not to be?

Cagona que eu sou, foi never, stay, not to be.

Eis que hoje, recebo dois golpes do Destino (apesar de achar que o Destino é um imbecil). O primeiro, por e-mail:

Dear Ana,
Here is your horoscope for
Wednesday, July 8:
Your mind can roam far and wide today, and you should be able to pick up a few sweet ideas along the way! Think through all the problems you’ve faced over the past year and you might answer one or two.

Valeu aí, Astrology.com! NOT!

Mas o pior, o mais cruel, foi o segundo golpe. Dele, sim, sempre ele, Rick Levine:

Accomplishing your long-term goals might seem like an impossible task now as you face the simple reality of where you are in your life. But there’s no time for self-pity; you have important work to do today. You have a small window of opportunity, so don’t waste any time. Acknowledge what isn’t working and make whatever changes are necessary to get back on track.

E tudo teria feito sentido se não fosse por UM detalhe. Ao final da previsão, dizia:

Friday, June 26, 2009

HEIN?!

Aí descobri que não era o Universo tentando se comunicar comigo através de horóscopos online, e sim o computador do NELE que estava com a data errada.

Desfeito o erro, fui atrás do que Rick Levine tinha para me dizer hoje:

You cannot rely on anyone else to objectively tell you what’s really happening now. Stop and listen to what’s in your heart.

Ao que digo, mais uma vez, VALEU TIO RICK! :/

In other news, eu acho que as coisas voltaram ao normal depois de 3 meses. Missed you.

Never is too long

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child.

Listen to the don’ts.

Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts.

Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…

Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

Shel Silverstein

Eu sonho acordada que estou em um programa tipo Changing Rooms e fico redecorando meu quarto. Não custa nada e me faz ter esperança que um dia (ah! um dia!) o meu caos organizado continue do jeito que está sem ninguém reclamar porque o caos 1) é organizado e 2) é MEU.

Talvez esse dia esteja cada vez mais perto. Talvez agora seja a hora de pensar no meu caos.

Talvez, tendo uma chave na porta, o caos deixe de ser o caos.

In other news, pronomes são seus amigos: trate-os bem.

Pretend that you’re alone now

Sunday, June 28th, 2009– It’s easy for you to feel good about yourself today, yet all the self-help books and affirmations in the world won’t get you out of your current mess. Forget about finding a magic formula; just do what makes the most sense, including taking care of your own needs first. What seems like an act of selfishness can be magically transformed into saint-like behavior at the right time.

***

Obrigada tio Rick por tirar da minha consciência o peso de algumas decisões complicadas, tipo participar ou não do Salão de Iniciação Científica. Graças a uma auto-reflexão forçada, cortesia de uma dor de cabeça do cão, e a decisão de NÃO, EU NÃO VOU PARTICIPAR DESSA PORRA, a Propesq resolveu prorrogar o prazo, e agora eu vou ser obrigada, DE NOVO, a pensar a respeito.

In other news, I kind of got a raise.